On A Mission: New York

This past week we took a trip to New York. The visit was centered around an event at New York Fashion Week, Christian Siriano’s show and the after-party. While this was the main event, we had another mission as well: find the spot where we were first married, 22 years ago, spontaneously and on a whim, in Central Park. We hadn’t been back since the ceremony and only had a photo in hand, taken that day, to work with. A single clue.

A grainy photo taken when we were married on June 26, 2004

Back in 2004, the fight for marriage equality was in full swing. It was an election year, and the issue was front and center. We planned a trip in late June to New York just to be tourists, and it happened to be Pride Weekend. We didn’t know that when we made our plans, but it made the trip that much more fun.

Our view from our hotel room on this trip, between buildings to the park

That Saturday morning we woke up, grabbed a coffee, and headed to Central Park for a morning stroll. Upon entering the park, we were approached by what turned out to be an event organizer. We hadn’t really noticed the setup on the field beside us, it was Pride weekend, so there were tents and events everywhere, but this one turned out to be special for us. A life-changer.

They asked, “Are you here to get married?” It’s something we’d talked about, being together forever, but we hadn’t discussed marriage itself. At that moment, though, the decision was as easy as choosing our coffee a few minutes earlier.

“Yes,” we both replied.

They told us about the event: a non-denominational ceremony for multiple couples, presided over by a preacher, priest, and rabbi. It was technically a protest, and at that time, and for another decade, these marriages wouldn’t be recognized by the government. Protest or not, we were getting married, and couldn't be more excited. We've never quite done things the "normal" way, why should this milestone in our lives be typical?

We needed rings, so we immediately set off to the surrounding blocks to find a jewelry store. It was early and none were open, but we did find a street vendor selling various items: rings, necklaces, bracelets. We bought two matching silver metal rings and made our way back to the park.

And we were married.

Along with a few dozen cheering couples and hundreds of bystanders — friends and families of those getting married, as well as quite a few people who simply stopped to witness as they passed through the park. As the energy of the event wore down, we took in the emotion of the moment.

We rounded out our Central Park experience with a wedding night dinner at Tavern on the Green, an old-school staple inside the park, on a beautiful patio surrounded by lanterns in the canopy of trees around us.

As special as that day was, we never returned to New York until this past year. Joey once this summer, and the two of us together this past week. While we knew we were married in Central Park, we had no idea where. We’d simply wandered upon the event, so we didn’t really know the location. We couldn’t even remember what hotel we’d stayed in to give us a starting point.

We had a photo — the one at the top of the page — but that was it. We had a feeling the ceremony had been on the south side of the park. The photo shows two buildings and the edge of another. None are the more architecturally significant structures that line Central Park, but they have specific window patterns and brick styles, and one has cast concrete railings along one level. A bit of detail to look for.

On the ride in, I scanned the buildings we passed as we drove straight down Fifth Avenue, but didn’t see any that looked like our photo. Once at our hotel, just two blocks from the park, we asked the concierge. She thought the buildings generally looked like ones on the west side of the park, but didn’t really recognize them.

We decided to make it our mission to walk and find the spot the next morning, first thing. We set out on the west side, as she’d suggested, but quickly realized that couldn’t be it. The landscape there was rolling and hilly, and there weren’t any large open flat areas that would have fit the event setting. The buildings didn’t line up correctly either, and they were much more ornate.

So back to the east side.

The buildings in the background of our photo - construction scaffolding and netting had obscured us from seeing them at street level on the way in.

On our way across the park, we encountered two older ladies, decked out in New York winter clothes, walking adorable little pups, also outfitted for the season. “I’m sorry to bother you, but could we ask a question?” They turned, not annoyed but clearly cautious about being interrupted. “Okay,” one hesitantly said.

Joey showed them our photo and explained our mission. They lightened up immediately, pouring over the photo and chatting between themselve, seeming to enjoy the challenge.

“White brick, okay… and this looks pre-war, but I think this is post-war.”

After a bit of discussion, they said they didn’t exactly recognize the buildings but were confident they were on the east side, most likely further south. Perfect. Some direction.

As we reached the edge of the park on the east side along Fifth Avenue, where we’d driven in, we scanned the buildings carefully. One set looked like it might be the one, but closer inspection showed details that weren’t quite right. Really close, but not exact.

Joey spotted a doorman in front of one of the buildings and suggested we ask him. The doormen in the city know everything, and most have been at their jobs for decades.

“Sir, do you recognize any of these buildings?”

We showed him our photo, and he quickly pointed south. “Looks like the buildings down at 60th,” he said. We were just a couple of blocks away.

As we approached 60th, it became apparent why we hadn’t seen them on the way in. One was completely covered in netting, with scaffolding below. The other, with the cast concrete details we’d been looking for, also had portions covered as the building was being restored - and specifically those cast concrete elements.

Just across the avenue was the field. Not as large as I remembered, but my memory of that day is a bit scattered after two decades. It was thrilling to see, to recall that day and savor the feelings that welled back up as we remembered the chance encounter that altered our lives forever.

We’ve since been married again, when it became legal in North Carolina, and we now wear two rings. One from each wedding.

It feels appropriate to rediscover this spot, this pivotal place in our lives, right now. We are in another moment like that, where we’ve taken a huge turn and know everything is changing for us. Over these past few months, I’ve revisited so many memories, thinking back to the path that got us here. The ups and downs, the pain that life sometimes brings, as well as the most beautiful experiences.

I’m so happy we found these buildings.

This time, of course, but more importantly, the first time, in 2004.