Happy Anniversary! Love Still Wins
- Scott Linwell
- Oct 15
- 5 min read
October 13th is our wedding anniversary. It wasn't a date we really chose, and it isn't our first wedding. Our first wedding was in Central Park on June 26th, 2004, but it was only symbolic, not legal. In 2014, on October 13th, it was legal, so now we celebrate two weddings, two anniversaries. We even have two wedding rings.
This is our 11-year anniversary, we missed or forgot our 10. The decade celebration was eclipsed by Hurricane Helene who hit our place just two weeks earlier. On the 13th last year we were trying to navigate the early recovery period of our home in the mountains - on the 13th last year we were driving from Charlotte to our place delivering 36" x 30' long pipes to rebuild our driveway.
Our anniversary, the one on the 13th, also celebrates that first day that same-sex marriage was recognized and legal in North Carolina. At that time, in 2014, the dominoes were falling. There were a few court cases related to gay marriage working their way through the system, and our federal district was in line to hand down the next decision.
We'd been to the courthouse the year before, in 2013, as part of a group that went to apply for marriage licensing, knowing we'd be denied, so Joey and I knew the office, the process, what we needed to do. Our own little protest of sorts began.
We'd been part of the fight for marriage equality for years, from our first marriage actually. That was unplanned and part of what was technically a protest. We'd flown up to New York for the weekend, just a visit. Turned out it was Gay Pride weekend (really, we didn't know and at first just thought "damn there are a lot of gays around"). As part of the celebrations, there was a multidenominational mass wedding taking place in Central Park. We happened to be walking through when someone walked up and asked "are you part of the wedding, are you getting married?". We immediately answered "yes", and were ushered to a seat and 15 minutes and a few vows later we were husbands!
We recognized our marriage, our families and friends recognized it, but we all knew it wasn't "real". It didn't really count. Almost like..."how cute, they're playing house, acting like married people...". And I would hear, all the time back then, "what's the difference"? While WE knew we were married, it did matter for it to be fully recognized, on the same level with all the good, bad, and benefits that come with a legally recognized relationship everyone else gets to enjoy.
That's why, as 2014 progressed and the marriage-related court cases wound their way from courtroom to courtroom, climbing the chain to the Supreme Court, we became more and more excited, recognizing the path it was taking. That path was heading towards us, here in North Carolina. We'd heard that someone walked into a courthouse in South Carolina, applied for a license to marry their same-sex partner, and it was granted by a judge.
Since it had worked there and was granted there, we decided to head downtown and apply for our marriage license, to see what would happen when we did. We went in, asked for a marriage license application, applied in our names, and were denied. It was a friendly denial though, the clerk letting us know how much she wanted to fulfill our application but couldn't.
The Registrar of Deeds came out to talk with us (an elected official who presides over deeds, but also licensing that needs to be filed as well). He was just waiting on a ruling from the courts, even had the documents ready to release. He was waiting, so we decided to do the same. Since we worked from home and for ourselves, we decided to head back to the house, to pack up our laptops, some snacks, and drinks, and head down to the courthouse.
We set up camp on a picnic table at the front doors and waited. We didn't make any big deal about it, no hubbub other than posting a couple photos online, but somehow local media found out, and towards the end of the day, one camera and one reporter showed up. She asked a couple of questions, and there was a little blurb on the evening news. We packed up for the evening, and went back the next morning. Different story. By lunch, someone from all of the local stations was there, then by days end, from local state media. Three days later, on Friday, October 10th, when the ruling came down that same-sex marriage was legal in North Carolina, there were reporters from all the stations and papers nearby, and some national reporters as well.
We'd been joined by representatives from the Human Rights Campaign (HRC), Equality NC, and other gay rights organizations. We'd been joined by other couples wanting to marry as well. The ruling came down late in the day that Friday, too late for the deed offices around the state to prepare, so Monday would be the first day those licenses could be issued (in Wake County, a couple were issued, and a couple of marriages did take place Friday).
That weekend was fantastic. We basked in the knowledge that Monday morning we'd be married, legally, finally. We showed up first thing Monday, went in through a media circus, applied, and received our license, walked out front, and were married by a good friend who is an ordained minister. The Gay Pride marching band was playing tunes, people were cheering, singing, and celebrating.
I'm ordained as well, by chance - to marry a couple of friends a year earlier, so I had the pleasure of presiding over a couple of marriages myself. It was an amazing and wonderful day.
Most folks get to plan their weddings, invite their family and friends to witness the ceremony and to celebrate and create the wonderful memories that can surround such a monumental event in most of our lives. We didn't get to choose, and we didn't have time to invite everyone we would have loved to have shared either of our weddings with, but boy did we get some memories, and any time I want reminders or to see photos of my second wedding, all I have to do is Google it and find all the images I need.
Happy Anniversary - Love Still Wins - Joey and Scott Linwell
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